A Really Strange Game
by Red Mage
Summary: A strange story of what can happen if you take the cat out or play SO2... / Warning: self-insertion combined with author-bashing.


A Really Strange Game

A Really Strange and Even More Strange Act

_Done by: Red Mage_

_All right... I got this sick idea when I was in laugh-ecstasy after I had read some crazy fan fictions. I wrote this during that.... not sure if it's really funny though._^__^ __Well, really I wouldn't act like that (even that acting to Ashton is a bit oversized, but only a bit^__^ _), but.. I guess it's okay._

_The name of my brother and my cat are not real. _

Another day in my normal life...

Me: All right. I have almost finished my school project about Baltic Sea.. perhaps I'll take a break.

*someone rings the doorbell*

Me: Oh, that must my brother (I just don't want to say "brother" anymore, I think I'llabbreviate it to "bro") *opens the door* Hello.

Bro: Hi sis. What do you like about my hair?

Me: Quite cool. It suites you.

Bro: Thanks.

Me: Where's Mom?

Bro: She went to shopping and will go from there to work.

Me: All right. So there's just two of us.

Bro: Right. But I'm going to play Might and Magic 7 now. I want play it over today. Wanna come to look?

Me: No, not really. What about Star Ocean? Don't you play it?

Bro: Aww, not today. *goes to his room*

Me: BOOORING.

Stripe: Meow. *jumps to the door knob*

Me: What is it? Do you want out?

Stripe: Meow. *jumps again*

Me: I don't want right now. Why you can't go to the window, jump to the roof below it, walk to the other end and climb down the tree as usual?

Stripe: *jumps to the door knob*

Me: All right you spoiled cat... *puts shoes on, runs downstairs, opens the door and lets the cat out* Well, at least I got something to do for a short while *sighs* a VERY short while. *lets the door close*

*a flash of light appears and this "me" is been teleported*

Me: Huh? What is this? *looks around* Gee.. this place looks like Expel.

????: Move away!

Me: What the... *jumps away as someone runs past* Whew, that was close that we didn't collide. Hey, who was that?

????: Watch out!

Me: *turns to look what's going on* Uwaah!

*a monster runs towards "me"*

????: *grabs "me" from hand and pulls her far from monster* You should be more careful.

Me: Oh, right. *turns to her saver* Oh, it's you Claude.

Claude:How did you know my name?

Me: You wouldn't really understand, but all right, I have played a game where you are.

Claude: ???

Me: *waves her hands* Aww, just forget it. Anyway, I'm Red Mage.

Claude: Red Mage? What a strange name.

Me (Okay, next I'll write Red Mage): Well, it isn't my real name, but I don't want to publish my real name here. Okay?

Claude: ...???... Okay.

Red Mage: Good! Now where are we?

Claude: This road leads to the village Mars.

Red Mage: Ahaa.... so I'll guess we break apart here. I'm going to Cross. See you later!

Claude: Hey! Wait a minute! *runs to Red Mage* Actually, I'm going to Cross too. And, I guess you don't know a lot about fighting.

Red Mage: I haven't been in military yet (and probadly don't ever go there), but... all right. Actually, thanks.

Claude: You're welcome.

Near Cross...

*starts raining, even though there isn't any clouds at the sky (or so seems... it's all grey)*

Red Mage: Great... it started to really pour now... we'd better hurry.

Claude: Wait! There's something strange with this rain... hmm? *snaps his fingers* Now I got it! Do you see? It isn't a real rain. It just follows us!

Red Mage: Huh? How could that be possible?

Claude: That can only mean...

??? (a voice coming from a distance): See? It worked!

???? (another voice): You idiot! Don't you see to who you did target it? That's brother Claude!

Claude: *sounding a bit desperate* .. Leon and Precis.

Leon: *runs to Claude* Sorry, big brother Claude, we didn't really mean tomake you wet... we just tested our new rain machine and Precis didn't really understood the meaning of the phrase 'don't do it'.

Precis: *smacks Leon with her magic hand* You little brat! It was YOU who turned the machine on!

Leon: What...? *gets angry* You stupid jerk!

Precis: *gets angry also* Best to talk, braindead!

*Leon and Precis start to argue*

Red Mage: Oh, please...

Leon and Precis: *stop fighting for a moment and look to Red Mage* What?

Red Mage: Are you really such a kids?

Leon: Watch your mouth when you're talking to master scientist and Heraldry Arts users Leon Geeste!

Precis: And the most talented mechanic ever, Precis Neumann!

Red Mage: Are you really such geniouses? You don't look so.

Leon and Precis: WHAT?!?

Red Mage: Well, if you're really as smart as you say, then how much we get if we raise two to eight power?

Leon and Precis: ......

Red Mage: You didn't know! It is 256! So it seems that after all, I'm smarter than you!

Leon: There is other type of intelligence too. Nobody needs such thing as that.

Red Mage: Just say that, but really you're nothing special.

Leon: *gets angry again* Hey! I developed that Lacour Hope, ultimate energy cannon! You should call me genius! I am probably smartest person in the whole Expel!

Red Mage: Oh yeahh?

Precis: At least he's smarter than you.

Red Mage: WHAT?? If that kid *points to Leon* is smarter than me because he made some stupid cannon which as sunken on your way to El continent, then you must have IQ about 2!

Precis: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!

Leon: Did you call Lacour Hope STUPID!?!?And me a KID!?!? I'll call a demon to cut your head off!

Claude: *becomes really irritated* CUT OUT OF IT!

Other three: *stop arguing* ...

Claude: We won't win anything if we just argue, right?

Others: ...

*something starts to beep like Backstreet Boys: The Call*

Claude: Huh?

Leon: What's that?

Red Mage: Oh, someone's calling to me *takes a portable phone (model Nokia threethousandstwohundredsandten) and looks at it* Oh, it's bro. I wonder what's up. *answers* Hi.

Bro (from portable phone): Hello. I have something to tell you, but I'm not sure if you will believe.

Red Mage: Just let it come.

Bro: I changed my mind when I was playing Might and Magic 7 and decided to play Star Ocean. Then, when I was loading my game, I only saw a flash of light and now I am in the Star Ocean world, Expel

Red Mage: What? You too?

Bro: Huh? You are here too?

Red Mage: Yeah. But I get there from the out door. I am with Claude, Precis and Leon, believe or not. Where are you?

Bro: I'm at Lacour. It seems that Indalecio is here too.

Red Mage: Oh. Cool. I'm near Cross.

Bro: Can we meet up there?

Red Mage: Sure. Oh, yeah, how did Indalecio come here again?

Bro: Dunno.. OH GOD!

Red Mage: What?

Bro: I'll catch you later there. Right now I'm busy and my battery is low. Bye!

*phone call ends*

Red Mage: *puts the portable phone back to her pocket* Dammit. 

Claude: *suprised* What was that?

Red Mage: Oh, I just talked with my bro.

Leon: What was that machine?

Red Mage: My portable phone. Quite cool, huh? I got it as a Christmas present.

Claude, Leon and Precis: ????

Red Mage: *waves her hands* Forget it. Anyway, I heard that Indalecio is back.

Precis: What?!?!

Claude: If Indalecio is back...

???: Then it means that I'm back too.

Claude, Precis, Leon and Red Mage: *turn around*

Claude: Cyril!

Cyril: Yes, it's me. *laughs madly and looks at Red Mage* Well, well. What do we have here. A young girl who is from other world? Good. I wanted some moredifficulty.

*everyone exept Red Mage take Astral Shift battle positions*

Cyril: I just hope you don't break down too soon.

Red Mage: ALL right! This is enough! * bites Cyril to the arm *Now JUST let me get back to home!

Leon: Cool.

Claude: Are you some kind of cannibal?!?

Red Mage: No, I did this once to my bro too.

Claude: What kind of love to have between siblings.

Precis: Are you sure you aren't drunk or something?

Red Mage: Hey, I hate alcohol drinks.

Precis: You're strange.

Cyril: How you even dare to make fun of me! Receive the Wind of Destruction!

Red Mage: Uh oh.

Some time later...

Bro: *comes whistling* Oh hi, sis. What's up?

Red Mage: I'm hanging on a tree, as you can see. 

Bro: Hey, that rhymes. Anyway, how did you end up like that?

Red Mage: I bite Cyril.

Bro: Wise.

Red Mage: He got mad.

Bro: I thought so.

Red Mage: He used Wind of Destruction.

Bro: Really? Cool!

Red Mage: By the way, what have you done?

Bro: Oh, I just borrowed Dias's sword and battled with Indalecio.

Red Mage: You're kidding.

Bro: No, I'm not!

Red Mage: Yes you are! Well, are going to do it or not?

Bro: What?

Red Mage: Help me down, of course.

Bro: Nope. Hey do you see that big spider that walks on thet branch were you hold?

Red Mage: What? Eeek!

*somethings falls to the ground and makes a sound: "Thumb"*

Red Mage: Ouch.

Rena: Well, would you help us down too?

Bro: Oh, hi Claude. Of course I can help you out. *helps Claude, Precis and Leon out of the tree*

Leon: Who're you?

Bro: I'm the Almighty Unknown Soldier!

Red Mage: Oh really. *pushes Unknown Soldier away* Don't mind with him. He quite strange.

Unknown Soldier: WHAT?!?!

Red Mage: Just admit it. You could never be with some great people.

Unknown Soldier (A.K.A bro): Oh really? I just met this guy here. *shows with the hand to one direction* I think you will regonize him. 

Claude: Oh, it's you, Ashton.

Me: Whaat? Ashton?!? *turns to Ashton*

Ashton: Hello everyone.

Red Mage: Aah... *looks to Ashton with glittering eyes*

Unknown Soldier: Oh god.. *hits Red Mage with fist*

Red Mage: Oooh.. *faints*

Unknown Soldier: Sorry for my sister. She's a BIT too much your fan, Ashton.

Ashton: Really?

Leon: I wonder if someone's my fan... 

Unknown Soldier: She should keep in guys of her own age *adds in mind: and own world*.

Red Mage: *rises andrubs her head* Ouch... that hurt...

Unknown Soldier: Try to act properly.

Red Mage: 'Try to act properly', you say, but you are probadly having a crunch with Celine somewhere. Or with Opera.

Others: What?

Red Mage: Just kidding.. *laughs quietly* Well, did you REALLY beat Indalecio?

Unknown Soldier: Well... yes, but I didn't borrow Dias's sword, I borrowed Ashton's swords.

Red Mage: Without permission, of course.

Ashton: To say the truth, that's true.

Red Mage: I KNEW it! *looks again to Ashton with dreaming look*

Unknown Soldier: Some people never learn.. *hits Red Mage again*

Red Mage: *faints*

Leon: Is this person really your sister?

Unknown Soldier: Too bad, but she is. Although I don't always want to admit it...

Leon: I understand.

Claude: You know, Unknown Soldier, perhaps you shouldn't hit your sister so hard. She can get hurt.

Red Mage: I think so too *raises and rubs her head* Ow... I will get a mark to my head soon...

Unknown Soldier: By the way, where Rena, Celine and Opera are?

Red Mage: Oh, are they the ones chosen by your heart.

Unknown Soldier: *glares angrily at Red Mage*

Red Mage: Okay, I'll stop it.

Unknown Soldier: Claude, I thought you were with Rena.

Claude: *puts his hand to fist* Yes! I WERE! Until she fell in love with Noel!

Unknown Soldier: *looks really suprised* Noel?!?

Claude: Yeah. And Bowman divorced from his wife and married Celine and Opera went back to Tetragenes with Ernest, if they really could with that half-broken spaceship. So I was left alone.

Red Mage. Sounds like an episode of Bold and Beautiful.

Unknown Soldier: What about Chisato?

Claude: Chisato... oh, I have forgot her! *falls doleful* But she is probadly in love with Dias or someone else besides me...

Unknown Soldier: Well, you can't never know if you don't try. Where is she nowadays?

Ashton: I've heard that she lives in Cross

Red Mage: *looks Ashton again with that stupid dreaming look* Ahh.... Ashton....

Unknown Soldier: Hey Leon, do you have the Book of Darkness with you?

Leon: Yes, why?

Unknown Soldier: May I borrow it?

Leon: *gives the Book of Darkness to Unknown Soldier* Here you go.

Unknown Soldier: Thanks. *hits Marika with Book of Darkness* I'll think that will be enough. *gives book back to Leon*

Red Mage: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

Unknown Soldier: It was your own fault. But let's go to the Cross now.

At Cross...

Claude: Where shall we look?

Precis: I know! Let's split into small groups. Every group searches in different place.

Red Mage: But what do we do when we found her?

Leon: Let's bring her to big brother Claude unless she is already with someone.

Ashton: All right.

Unknown Soldier: Let's split into groops now. *turns and talks to Red Mage* and you are NOT going with Ashton.

Red Mage: *glares Unknown Soldier very angrily* All right, I'll go alone. I take the west Cross. *runs away*

Precis: What a strange person.

Claude: Your sister is really freak about Ashton.

Ashton: She is quite cute.

Unknown Soldier: Ashton, you wouldn't REALLY like her. She dreams about moon walks, dancing with her love etc.

Precis: Ick.

Ashton: What wrong with them?

Unknown Soldier: *stares Ashton really skeptical* What's wrong with you? You are even weirder than I thought.

Leon: We don't have any time to dilly-dally. Let's get going.

In the West Cross...

Red Mage: *talks herself* 'No, you can't go with Ashton'. What is really bothering bro? He usually isn't like this.*snaps fingers* Aha! I got it. My bro's jealous! So he really isn't in love with Opera or anybody else. *smiles triumphnant* When I tell it to him, he'll surely stop preventing me. Then, I can at last be with Ashton... *gets that dreaming look in her eyes, for a moment, but then shooks her head* Hey, I was supposed to look for Chisato and not to dream. Better to start here. *walks towards pub, but suddenly stops* HOLY...!

*pub's door opens and Dias comes out*

Red Mage: *runs and hides into one barrel*

Dias: Hmm... I thought I heard some voices.. *looks around* Nobody seems to be here... all right. That isn't really important. *goes away*

Red Mage: Phew! *comes out from the barrel* That was close. I don't want to end up talking with Dias.. I'm kinda scared of him. *sweeps sweat away from her forehead* That barrel was amazingly hot! Well, I've better continue..

After half hours...

Red Mage: I can't believe it! I've looked all over the West Cross and I still can't find Chisato. So.. she isn't here. The only thing I can say is.. *talks in her native language (I bet you don't understand it)* ..jumprahuitin hemmetti sitä Chisatoa! *switches back to more international language (means england)* Well, I've better to return. I hope that the others had better luck. I think I'll wait at the castle.

At the Cross Castle...

Unknown Soldier: Did you find Chisato?

Red Mage: Nope, but I found one other person.

Precis: Who?

Red Mage: *grins from hate* Dias

Precis: *sounds excited* Dias? Where was he?

Leon: Precis, what's wrong? *sounds doubting*

Precis: Nothing...

Unknown Soldier: Oh, there come's Claude and Ashton!

Red Mage: Did you find Chisato?

Claude: *looks really sad and despressed* No.. *sighs* Seems like nobody has found her... so I'm alone.

Ashton: *puts hand on Claude's shoulder* Try to cheer up.

Red Mage: *looks Ashton with dreamy look* Ahh... *sees Unknown Soldier's glare and stops*

Unknown Soldier: Don't worry Claude. Everything will be okay.

Leon: Hey, I though I saw a camera there... *points to one corridoor*

*a camera shows up*

Claude: *looks at camera* Chisato?

Chisato: *comes behind the camera and puts it secretly on* Claude? Where have you been?

Claude: I have wondered in every continent to search for my love, and still haven't find it.

Chisato: Oh.. I think now you will find it. *come closer to Claude and hugs him* I have been so worried about you. I love you Claude.

Claude: I... I love you too, Chisato.

*Claude and Chisato kiss*

Unknown Soldier: Well, that ended happily.

Red Mage: Yeah.

*Dias appears behind them*

Dias: Seems like that kid really became a man.

Precis: Dias! *looks at him dreamy*

Leon: Precis?

Dias: *ignores Precis* Anyway, I think I'll go back to the inn now that events have taken this kind of turn.. *goes away*

Precis: Dias! Wait for me! *starts to run after him*

Leon: Precis? *runs a bit after her* I thought we were in love. You cheated me!

Precis: *turns around to face Leon* Sorry, but you're a bit too young for me. Who wants to fall in love with some kid? I don't love you. Bye. *runs away*

Leon: Precis! *his eyes become teary* Why? Am I just a kid? Precis? Waah! *starts to cry and runs away*

Unknown Soldier: Perhaps this really didn't end as I thought... no place for me int his scenario.

Red Mage: But I HAVE! *looks at Ashton with that stupid and annoying dreamy look* Ah...

Unknown Soldier: Now you've done it! *takes a club from armor and hits with it Red Mage*

Red Mage: Oww... *faints*

Unknown Soldier: *takes Red Mage* I'd better get going and try to find a way to get to home.

Ashton: I can help you.

Unknown Soldier: *shooks his head* I'm sorry, as gladly as I could take your offer, I can't because of this lovelorn fool. *glares at Red Mage who is is still unconscious*

*something crashes*

Red Mage: Uhh.. *wokes up and gets away from Unknown Soldier's grip* What was that?

Unknown Soldier: I don't know.

Ashton: We'd better take a look.

*all three run outside*

At outside...

Unknown Soldier: What the..?

Indalecio: *looks at Unknown Soldier*Oh it's you again.

Cyril: Didn't you learn from my lesson? *stares at Red Mage*

Indalecio: Is that girl the one that bit you?

Cyril: Yes.

Ashton: *looks at Marika with great suprise* You bited one of the Ten Wise Men? How brave.

Red Mage: Yeah. He tasted bad.

Cyril: Let's get rid of this morons before we destroy this village.

????: Not so easy!

*Claude comes with Chisato and slices Indalecio with his sword*

Chisato: Be careful, my love! I will help you! *shoots Cyril with Tear Gas*

*Dias, Precis and Leon appear*

Dias: Those piece of junk again. *uses Illusion killer move to hit Cyril*

Precis: Dias! Be careful! *hits Cyril with her magical hand*

Leon: I shall show you the real fighting! *points with his finger to Indalecio and Cyril* Get them! *summons Gremlin Lair*

Ashton: I'll go help too. *throws his swords to Indalecio (killer move Piercing Swords)*

Cyril: Ugh... *disappears*

Indalecio: No! I can't lose! *starts to fade* Someday, the world will be ours! *disappears*

*some strange door appears*

Unknown Soldier: That must be teleport to home!

Red Mage: Yess! At last we came go home!

*they turned to look at Claude, Rena, Chisato, Leon, Dias and Precis*

Claude: I guess these are the goodbyes..

Unknown Soldier: Yeah, I guess so. Good luck to you, Chisato and Claude.

Red Mage: Yeah, good luck.

Chisato: Yes, best of luck to you too. *kisses Claude*

Claude: Chisato.. I love you so.

Red Mage: *turns to Leon* Bye, Leon. Good luck to your research.

Unknown Soldier: *whispers to Leon's ear* And for love finding too.

Leon: *smiles* Bye.

Precis: Bye!

Red Mage: Bye Precis! Have a nice life!

Unknown Soldier: I will never forget you!

Precis: I won't forget you too. I'm sure of it! *looks at Dias with that dreamy look*

Red Mage: (I wouldn't be so sure of that.)

Dias:.... Goodbye, Unknown Soldier

Unknown Soldier: Farewell, Dias.

Red Mage: .... *stares at Dias* 

Unknown Soldier: Aren't you going to say something?

Red Mage: ....Good bye.

Unknown Hero: Bye, Ashton. Best of luck to you.

Ashton: *smiles* I hope so, luck is what I need.

Red Mage: Uhh... Ashton... *blushes* I... *goes near and kisses Ashton* sorry about that... good bye, my hero. *runs inside the door and disappears*

Ashton: I'm a bit embarrased...

Unknown Soldier: I would be more than a BIT.

Leon: *laughs* How funny... Hee hee.

Unknown Soldier: Well, but I gotta go too. Bye.

Others: Bye!

*Unknown Hero steps inside the doorway and disappears*

Back at home...

Red Mage: Whew, that was quite an adventure!

Unknown Soldier: Yeah, but crazy one.

Red Mage: I agree.

Unknown Soldier: *looks at clock* Hey! No time has passed while we were away!

Red Mage: Huh!?! How can that be?

Unknown Soldier: Dunno.

*both are quiet for a moment*

Unknown Soldier: It was really cool meet Leon, Claude, Precis and Ashton. But I wonder if that was real?

Red Mage: That was real.

Unknown Soldier: How can you be so sure?

Red Mage: *rubs her head* Because I have SO painful headache that I guess it feels like same like having a hangover.

Unknown Soldier: *burst into laugh*

Red Mage: *glares at Unknown Soldier* That is NOT funny! I gonna take some aspirine. Hope that helps.. Or somebody else is gonna have headache too!

Unknown Soldier: *grins* I wouldn't think so...

At the evening...

Red Mage: Finally! I got my school project ready! *closes the text document* Now, what shall I do? Hey, perhaps, I'll go to internet! *clicks Internet Explorer icon on the desktop* And I now exatly what I need... *goes to search machine and writes something* Hope this will find something... Hmm.. Would this work? *clicks link* Aah.. excellent! *smiles* That picture is good.. I guess I'll save it and put it to background.

Unknown Soldier: Hey sis, is your headache gone?

Red Mage: Yeah, thanks god. Hey, wanna see my new background? *closes Internet Explorer*

Unknown Soldier: .... Ashton.

Red Mage: I had to get it! This pic was soo cute (as Ashton himself too).

Unknown Soldier: Hey sis. According to the game, Ashton is 20. You are 13 and half. There's almost seven years between them.

Red Mage: *sigh* I know. *looks Unknown Soldier straight to the eyes* But weren't you in love with Opera? She is 23 and you are 15. And Opera is in game love with Ernest, who is 35! Don't you think there's a bit more years between them?

Unknown Soldier: *tries to say something, but Red Mage interrupts*

Red Mage: And don't say anything about 'It isn't the same thing' because it is! Someday... *looks at her background picture of Ashton* Someday.... I hope....

Unknown Soldier: Hey, sis, wanna come to play some beat-up game?

Red Mage: You know that I hate games with blood.

Unknown Soldier: Well, this one hasn't got blood. And besides, we can play Star Ocean, Final Fantasy or Super Mario after that.

Red Mage: *smiles* What would be nicer than a adventure in Expel and after that some beat-up game and perhaps platform or RPG game? I'll come, just wait until I close the computer.

**_This is The End_**

_ _

_All right! If you have something to comment/suggest/so on, mail to me to [punainen_maagi@hotmail.com][1] or to [Red_Mage@sunpoint.net][2] , it's your own choice which one you use. Any comments are welcome._

   [1]: mailto:punainen_maagi@hotmail.com
   [2]: mailto:Red_Mage@sunpoint.net



End file.
